20 Qualities Self-Made Women Look For In Men

By Shannon
20 Qualities Self-Made Women Look For In Men

The term “power couple” refers to men and women who are both successful in their respective fields, and come together to form an unstoppable duo. We have Casey Neistat and Candice Pool, Beyonce and Jay Z, Kim and Kanye, Amal and George Clooney, and the list goes on. There is a common misconception that women look for guys with money. While it may seem that way, the reality is that successful men have traits that most women find attractive. It’s totally possible to still be working towards your dreams and have the traits that ladies are looking for.

These 20 tips have come from a study conducted by Men’s Health Magazine about what women look for in men in general, and this applies to successful women, too. Sometimes, it’s tough to really know what women are thinking, so I will also add a secret look into the minds of women with first-hand examples in the perspective as someone who is very ambitious about my own career.

Keep in mind that you don’t need all 20 of these traits to get a girlfriend. Nobody is perfect. But if you a struggling to find a partner, these tips can help you find the love of your life.

20. Confidence

Women love men with confidence, but be careful. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and no one likes someone who is stuck-up. When we say confidence, it is the ability to handle uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations with a sense of security. Your true confidence comes out when you meet new people or travel somewhere new. It’s about having an “I-got-this” attitude with almost everything.

Confidence is key when it comes to succeeding in just about any industry. Women who have succeeded in their own career need to have confidence in order to get ahead in life, because being meek and mild gets us nowhere.

19. Honesty

There is a saying “fake it til you make it”, but that doesn’t mean you should lie about your accomplishments, or anything else, for that matter. Sorry, boys, but you’re terrible liars. Once you get in the habit of lying on a regular basis, it becomes impossible to keep up with remembering which story you told your significant other. It’s best to stick to the truth.

Once someone is caught in a lie, that makes it hard to trust them, especially for women who have been hurt in the past. That is a huge red flag, and most women with self-worth will break up with a liar immediately. If you choose to lie to people, and your relationships fall apart, the blame lays solely on you.

18. Motivation

Being attracted to motivation is a primal instinct. Think about it. Back in the age of the cavemen, do you think the women would want to mate with the guy who sits around in the dark all day, or do you think she wants the guy who is waking up at the crack of dawn hunting for food?

Even if you are not successful yet, if you show that you are motivated to do something with your life, that’s really attractive. It is far better to show someone how motivated you are through your actions, rather than words. You can talk all you want about your dreams, but if all you do is sit around watching Netflix, that doesn’t count.

17. Empathy

There is nothing worse than a guy who is rude to a waiter at a restaurant. Anyone who is rude to people who work in service industries probably has never had to work one of those jobs themselves. Even if he was lucky enough to never have to work a job like that, anyone with a sliver of empathy can put themselves in another person’s shoes.

Women have it tough. We go through a lot of things that men will never understand, and we don’t expect you to figure it all out. But empathy- or trying to understand how difficult a situation may be for us, goes a long way.

16. Faithfulness

It should be obvious, but women want a man who will be faithful to her during the course of their relationship. If you’re exclusive, it’s important to honor that commitment. Some people choose to be in open relationships, but that is something that both partners would agree upon together.

If you have a history of cheating on women in the past, or if you brag about all of the girls you have been with, that is a red flag that you may not be faithful. Be up-front with your expectations of the relationship so that you don’t break a woman’s heart.


15. Great With Kids

Even if you’re taking it slow with your relationship, women will always take notice how you act around children. It will give her a good idea if you will make a good father some day, or not. Some women who are super focused on their careers don’t want kids right away, but she will still want you to be great around her nieces, nephews, and her friend’s kids.

In some cases, both partners will agree that they never want to have kids, so it really doesn’t matter too much if babies make you uncomfortable. But that it a conversation you need to have pretty early on in the relationship, because it can be a huge deal-breaker.

14. Sense of Humor

The best relationships in the world are when both partners are always laughing together. Women don’t expect you to be a standup comedian, but having the ability to see the humor in things is very attractive. If you are always serious, and never joke around or laugh, that could be a big reason why you’re not finding a girlfriend.

It’s not necessary to try to force yourself to be funny. You should still be yourself. But if at all possible, try to see if your sense of humor is compatible. If not, it may be a sign that it’s not meant to be.

13. Respect

Most women want a man to respect her in more ways than one. For women who are strong-willed and take their careers seriously, respect is one of the most important attributes that she can find in a man. Women don’t ask for much. A simple “If you have time” added to a request for a favor, or asking “What’s your schedule like this week?” first, before asking her to drop her plans to do something with you can go a long way.

Showing respect for a person also means that they are more willing to have a conversation about decision-making, instead of going over their head. We aren’t in the 1950’s and more, and women want to be equal partners in a relationship.


12. Cleanliness

Women don’t expect men to be neat freaks around the house, but we don’t want to be picking up after your mess, either. Keep your apartment or house neat and tidy. Make your bed, do your laundry, and wash the dishes. If she walks into your place and sees trash and dirty clothes lying everywhere, it’s not a good look. It is especially important for a successful woman to know that a man will pick up after himself, because she will be too busy working to want to clean your house for you.

If you are doing really well with your career, maybe you can afford to hire a maid to come once or twice a week. However, messes can pile up quickly. If you know that you’re a bit of a slob, try to be more mindful of how you treat your surroundings.

11. Style

Most men think that women want to see them in expensive suits. That’s not necessarily true. Every woman has a different taste in fashion, and their personal style is going to reflect what they look for in a man. For example, I had a roommate in college who was a professional ballerina. She was very reserved with her fashion, and only wore jeans, t-shirts, or hoodies every single day, aside from the clothes she wore to ballet practice and performances.

When I told her that I was attracted to guys who had a lot of style, she told me that she wasn’t shallow about what men wore, and she would never judge a book by his cover. I challenged her- What if he was an Eminem wannabe who wore big chains, a backwards baseball cap, and baggy pants that were falling down? Would she give him a chance? She quickly said, “Oh, no no no. I would never date someone like that.” I pressed- But what if he was your soul mate, and you avoided him because of the clothes he wore? She responded, “The kind of guy I want would never wear an outfit like that.” …See my point? Even the most supposedly non-judgemental person is actually 100% judging what you wear, but it’s okay to stick with your true style. Don’t try to be someone you’re not.

The fashion you wear will attract the type of girl you are looking for, and it will repel those who aren’t interested. My roommate wanted a guy who wore the same kind of clothes as her, which were comfortable jeans, shorts, tees, and hoodies. I, on the other hand, met one of my college boyfriends in our Pre-Law classes because he noticed that I was wearing a Louis Vuitton necklace, and he struck up a conversation about it. The moral of the story is- Don’t wear clothes just because you think they will attract a woman. Wear the clothes that reflect who you truly are, and you will find a girl who appreciates that.

10. High Earning Potential

Sorry…Remember when I said money doesn’t matter? Well, okay. It matters. According to a poll taken by Men’s Health Magazine, “earning potential” was listed as one of the top qualities that women look for in men. The key word here is “potential”. If a man is in medical school, for example, and a woman knows that you’re broke right now, but someday, you’ll have a great job with stellar healthcare, that’s basically just as good as being a doctor already.

Along with confidence, motivation, and all of those other attributes to success, you need to be on a path that actually makes sense. If you are working at a fast food restaurant for minimum wage, but you’re promising a six-figure lifestyle without a plan to get there, a girl will know that it takes a lot more than flipping burgers to get there. 

In college, this truly doesn’t matter very much, since everyone is in the same boat. However, a woman will want a man to make the same or more than she does, if they want to have a good relationship.

9. Being Attractive

Well…duh, right? No matter what gender you are, being attractive gives you a better chance of finding someone. In a world where people can swipe left and right to make a quick decision about someone’s looks, our society feels even more pressure to be good-looking.

The good news is, women find a lot of different body types attractive. That’s why a “dad bod” is a trend right now. Sure, being fit and having a six pack is sexy too, but unless a girl is also in great shape, it’s usually not a prerequisite for dating. 

There are a lot of attractive qualities in a person that have nothing to do with a muscular bod. Sometimes, a guy will have beautiful eyes, or an adorable smile. Women usually find the inner beauty in a person, once they get to know them. But if there is anything you can do to improve your physical appearance, it can’t hurt to try.

8. Being a Good Listener

Having good communication is essential in any relationship, and it is especially important when you’re dating. Communication is not possible without being a good listener. It’s easy to tell when a man is just waiting to speak, and not really listening or absorbing what the woman has to say.

Next time you’re in a conversation with a woman, pay attention to how well you remember thing things she said when you get home later. Were you really focusing too much on impressing her and figure out what you should say? In most cases, listening to what she has to say and building a conversation out of that will lead to a better connection than you blurting out that you went to a good school or you earn six figures.

7. Good Hygiene

If you are really struggling to find a girlfriend, you might want to take a quick sniff under your armpits. Remember that being in a relationship is all about intimacy, and no one wants to get up close and personal with someone whose breath smells like garlic. It may sound like common sense, but trust me, it’s not.

You should be using mouthwash, flossing, and brushing your teeth two to three times a day. Take some gum or mints to work, too. If you’re trying to keep it fresh all day. If you have a problem with acne, buy a facial wash to use in the shower. Use shampoo and conditioner at least once every 3 days, and shower your body every single day. Keep your beard and body hair trimmed, too. Beards can be sexy, but only if you have the ability to actually grow one properly.

Last and certainly not least, wear deodorant every single day. Cologne does not mask body odor. In fact, it only makes it worse. If you use cologne at all, remember to be subtle about it, because even good smells can be overpowering. Just dab a little on your neck, and it becomes a pleasant surprise smell when she goes in for a kiss.

6. Romance

According to Men’s Health, 45% of women listed “romantic” in the attributes they want in a man. We can’t help it. We grow up watching Disney movies where princesses get rescued by a prince, and every romantic comedy has some grand gesture of their undying love. It’s not that we can’t distinguish fiction from reality, but without a sense of romance in the relationship, you’re likely to fall into the friend zone pretty quickly.

Romance doesn’t have to just be roses and chocolates. It can be accomplished over dinner with you looking into her eyes, holding hands, or letting her know that she is loved and appreciated. Don’t get overly romantic or say “I love you” right from the beginning, because it will definitely creep her out. But when the timing is right, make sure you let your lady know that she is the object of your affection.

5. Great in Bed

Sex is a natural part of any adult relationship, and having a great experience matters. A lack of sexual gratification or intimacy can lead to infidelity, or breaking up. Getting your woman to climax is obviously a must to keep her happy, but some of the best experiences in bed have a lot more to do with intimacy.

Women want to have good “pillow talk” conversations, kisses, cuddling, eye contact, etc. This so much better than just doing the deed without any regard for the woman’s pleasure, and then hopping out of bed soon afterwards…This sounds like it should be common sense, but sadly, it’s not. On the other hand, every woman wants something different to keep her satisfied, and that’s a conversation you will need to have after you have been together for a little while.  

4. Passion

Men are taught to be reserved, and it’s really a shame, because women love to see a man who is passionate about something. It almost doesn’t matter what it is. You could be really into a hobby or your career. If you can talk about something you love with a lot of animation and excitement, there is something very intoxicating about that. Think about all the YouTubers in the world who make a living from just talking one-on-one to a camera about a particular subject. It’s because they can captivate an audience by talking about their passions.

Talking about each other’s personal interest on the first few dates is also a great way to get to know each other, and it should help break the ice. It also serves as a way to quickly realize whether you’re a good match, or not. For example, if you have a passion for going to micro-breweries, and the girl you’re on a date with doesn’t drink at all, that’s a big sign that you’re not meant to be together.

3. Generosity 

If you are successful, you will want to avoid gold diggers who only want you for your money, but every relationship has a certain level of gift-giving that should go both ways. It’s important to be wise with your money and know how to save for the future, but no one wants to date Ebenezer Scrooge, either. If you’re selfish with your money every day, that’s a red flag that you will selfish in other aspects of a relationship, as well.

Women pay attention when a man gives a good tip at a bar or restaurant, and what kinds of gifts he gives during the holidays to his family and friends. Successful women who have their own careers won’t necessarily be looking for a sugar daddy, but receiving presents every once in a while is still a great feeling. What most men don’t realize is that for women, presents aren’t really about the money. It’s about having their man acknowledging her interests, wants, and needs, and responding to that with a gift. If you only buy scented candles and body lotion every Christmas, it may feel like you don’t actually know her well enough to give her what she actually needs.

2. Dependability

Every relationship has its ups and downs, and women really want a “rock” who can be there when times get tough. Women want to know that they can depend on you when things get tough some day, because it’s not an “if”, it’s a “when”, because life is never perfect. Unfortunately, there are plenty of guys out there who run for the hills the moment something becomes difficult in a relationship. There is no way of knowing how someone will react to a difficult situation until it happens, so dependability is not always easy to spot. In the first few dates, you can prove that you are a dependable person by showing up on time and following through on the promises you make.

Being a flaky person gives the impression that you don’t care about the other person’s time, or that your life is a mess. It may be funny or eye-roll-worthy when you’re still young, but the bad trait becomes very serious once you get married and start having kids that needed to be picked up from daycare. The older you get, the more dependability becomes one of the most important qualities a man can have.

1. Kindness and Moral Integrity

Contrary to popular belief, women actually do love nice guys. No one will ever reach the level of kindness and compassion as someone like Mr. Rogers, and that’s not exactly sexy, either. There is a fine balance between being kind and compassionate versus being too much of a pushover and a people-pleaser.

Showing a sense of kindness to strangers with simple gestures like opening a door for someone, or being polite to restaurant and retail staff can go a long way. If you’re not already doing these things, start trying to incorporate kind gestures into your life. You’ll find that you become a happier person, which is attractive, too. Obviously, having a good moral compass is important as well. Women want to know that you would never steal, cheat, or hurt another person on purpose.